Tempting fate

I saw Fate sitting there in a darkened corner, so I sidled up to her and offered her a sweetie.

'No, thank you.' She said primly.

'How about a pair of earrings?

'I'm good for earrings.' She replied briskly.

'A bottle of perfume? It's really rather good.'

'I don't wear perfume.'

'Well, then, a £40 voucher for Selfridges.'

'You're going to have to do better than that.'

'How about a Gucci handbag?'

'Oh, frightfully garish.'

'An electric bicycle?'

'No!'

'A BMW convertible?'

'Yawn!'

'A semi-detached house in Brighton?'

'Do me a favour.'

'A penthouse suite in Canary Wharf?'

'Boring!'

'Alright then. A 50% profit share in my property development business?'

'Whatever...'

'Hmmm...' I said, feeling incredibly frustrated and running out of options. 'OK. How about power and dominion over all the lands of the world?'

Fate awoke abruptly from her nonchalant aloofness and stared directly at me.

'You really want me, don't you. All these offers, just so I will go your way. Think about it, really. I am the providential force of the universe - the unseen pattern which links all events. The magic of synchronicity and the teleological purpose bubbling at the depths of the soul of all humanity. No lures of the ego are going to snare me aside from my resolution. I may curve to weave in wayward threads and jive to a tune too complicated (and yet paradoxically simple in its symphony) for most to fathom, but I am not for sale. Not now, not ever.'

I felt crushed. All the power and wealth I had been accumulating for years was being made worthless by the formidable integrity of this supernatural agency. Crumbling in her presence I surrendered my will and life to the ways and whims of Fate herself.

And together we danced gloriously into the night and beyond.