Shining threads

Shining threads

Thursday 30 December 2010

Tips for a disorientated life

Step outside your routine and make friends with uncertainty.
Walk blindfolded for 10 minutes - hoping that car drivers will treat you benevolently - and see where you end up.
Discard notions of left, right, up and down.
Greet strangers like long-lost friends.
Honour Father Earth and Mother Sky.
Ask people what they mean whenever they try to talk.
Put on a coat of now and follow signs everywhere pointing to nothingness.
Follow an obscure tribal religion.
Create new words and use them.
Adopt a new mother and father.
Wear odd socks and put your t-shirt on inside out.
Take on a new name everyday.
Question received wisdom.
Ask people whether they are treating life well rather than the other way round.
Travel backwards and say goodbye to people when you arrive.
When people ask what you do - start a list and keep going until they tell you to shut up.
Shoplift, just because you are good at it and give the money to charity.
Challenge cliches and dogma wherever you go.
Face your fears and dance with them.
Write with your opposite hand to normal.
Ring up sales people and ask them if they would be interested in a communist society, and if so could they please fill in a form with their name, address, website, consumer preferences, etc....
Do something out of character - and then do something else and keep going.
Make wild propositions and follow them up.
Beat your chest, stick out your tongue and jump up and down (though of course you don't respect the notions of up and down any more!).
Use the toilets designated for the opposite gender.
Eat less (unless you are anorexic and then try eating more).
Spin, spin, spin until you have forgotten why you started.
Learn Hebrew (and read backwards).
Go to a church and give out flowers and hugs.
Mix metaphors and split infinitives.
Tell someone what you really think about life.
Praise the heavens when it rains.
Add salt to deserts and sugar to main courses.
Nail jelly to the wall.
Say thank you when you give and please when you receive.
Smoke clouds and drink oceans.
Inject sunlight into your veins.
Burn money and teach beauty.
Give waiters a tip about life rather than cash.
Dreadlock your beard.
Sing nursery rhymes to your Grandmother.
Put your elbows on the table whilst talking with your mouth full of glory.
Go round the world to lose yourself.
Teach feminism at the local men's working club.
Ask a tramp for financial advice.
Donate some money to Warren Buffet.
Invite the Prime Minister to an anarchist's ball.
Tell a priest you believe in dogs rather than God.
Ask Jesus if he would like a follow-up appointment.
Storm round to your neighbour's flat and demand that he turn up the music.
Cook salad and eat cakes raw.
Congratulate bullies for their kindness.
Point out ways in which corporations could be more ruthless in exploiting their labour-force.
Write a book about how to be a successful beggar - '90p for a busfare' and other lies that work.
Create a CV full of skills learnt on the street.
Launch a political party promoting a universal aristocracy.
Wear a fish on your head.

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