Shining threads

Shining threads

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Tips for a disorientated life

Step outside your routine and make friends with uncertainty
Walk blindfolded for 10 minutes - hoping that car drivers will treat you benevolently - and see where you end up
Discard notions of left, right, up and down
Greet strangers like long-lost friends
Honour Father Earth and Mother Sky
Ask people what they mean whenever they try to talk
Put on a coat of now and follow signs everywhere pointing to nothingness
Follow an obscure tribal religion
Create new words and use them
Adopt a new mother and father
Wear odd socks and put your t-shirt on inside out
Take on a new name everyday
Question received wisdom
Ask people whether they are treating life well rather than the other way round
Travel backwards and say goodbye to people when you arrive
When people ask what you do - start a list and keep going until they tell you to shut up
Shoplift, just because you are good at it and give the money to charity
Challenge cliches and dogma wherever you go
Face your fears and dance with them
Write with your opposite hand to normal
Ring up sales people and ask them if they would be interested in a communist society and if so could they please fill in a form with their name, address, website, consumer preferences, etc....
Do something out of character - and then do something else and keep going
Make wild propositions and follow them up
Beat your chest, stick out your tongue and jump up and down (though of course you don't respect the notions of up and down any more!)
Use the toilets designated for the opposite gender
Eat less (unless you are anorexic and then try eating more)
Spin, spin, spin until you have forgotten why you started
Learn Hebrew (and read backwards)
Go to a church and give out flowers and hugs
Mix metaphors and split infinitives
Tell someone what you really think about life
Praise the heavens when it rains
Add salt to deserts and sugar to main courses
Nail jelly to the wall
Say thank you when you give and please when you receive
Smoke clouds and drink oceans
Inject sunlight into your veins
Burn money and teach beauty
Give waiters a tip about life rather than cash
Dreadlock your beard
Sing nursery rhymes to your Grandmother
Put your elbows on the table whilst talking with your mouth full of glory
Go round the world to lose yourself
Teach feminism at the local men's working club
Ask a tramp for financial advice
Donate some money to Warren Buffet
Invite the Prime Minister to an anarchist's ball
Telll a priest you believe in dogs rather than God
Ask Jesus if he would like a follow-up appointment
Storm round to your neighbour's flat and demand that he turn up the music
Cook salad and eat cakes raw
Congratulate bullies for their kindness
Point out ways in which corporations could be more ruthless in exploiting their labour-force
Write a book about how to be a successful beggar - '90p for a busfare' and other lies that work
Create a CV full of skills learnt on the street
Launch a political party promoting a universal aristocracy
Wear a fish on your head

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